Last year in March (right before I found I was pregnant) I posted an Admission about my weight, lifestyle and desire to change.
Well, seeing as it’s the middle of the following year and baby is born. I am right back where I started. Only this time, it also comes with a startling revelation.
To explain, I need to give you a little back-story. In March of 2009 I essentially lost my dad. His body remains with us, but the quick whit, sharp mind, strong faith father left us. I was 31. I wasn’t young, and I wasn’t dependant on him anymore. He was 54. (I promise there is a point here.)
I just gave birth to a beautiful and amazing little girl that will be 19 when I am 54. Just beginning her life as an adult and finally deciding that her mom is needed and if I follow my father’s footsteps… well, I won’t be available to her or any of my children. It terrifies me that my children will be mourning their mother, because she didn’t take care of herself and feeling the way that I do about my father.
Yesterday I got on the scale. I am now the heaviest that I have ever been in my entire life. My body is stretched out, filled out and scarily heavy. I have talked about this over, and over, and over again. No one believes me. I’m not sure if I even believe me. But I am serious about this. I want my choices to allow me the best chances to be there for my children… and prayerfully even my grandchildren.
I will disclose the weight… and I will beg your prayers, support and even the nagging questions that are sure to come. I want to do this more than I ever have before. I want to remake my life and my body.
Today I weigh 284 lbs. and wear size 22/24 clothes on the bottom and size 18/20 on top. I’m embarrassed to even write that sentence.
By this time next year, I want to be at least 80 lbs lighter. I’d like to aim higher, but I don’t want to set myself up for failure. As I’m sure to come against that anyway.
So people here we sit… I am on the edge of a big… make that huge change and I need to do this more than ever. Please pray for me. I need it.
Here I go, into the wild world of change.